Am I brave?

I am sitting here wondering if I am brave enough to share this blog with anyone.  I think it is the fear of rejection deep within my soul.  I am not looking for sympathy.  I just needed a place to vent.

We were visited by the new Pastor and his wife this week.  She is lovely and I think someone I could enjoy being with.  She has a new knee and I am headed that way so it would be nice to have someone share intimately about the surgery and recovery time.  He is altogether very formal.  I worry when people show up at my door with crisp white shirts and ties. I want people to let their hair down and show me who they are.  I guess it is because I carry my emotions on my sleeve and expect others to do the same.  Although pleasant guests, I am not sure this church is for me just yet. I have heard you need to give it about a month or so to get a true picture.  I will have to be in on trying or will make my boss ultra unhappy with me.

 He is such a good hubby.  I know he is our leader and I will go if I have to.  But shouldn't I want to?!?  Has anyone out there ever put up a "Fleece?"  Well, sorry to say I did.  You see, this is a new work starting about  a year or so ago.  It is also close to our home which is great.  However, on Wednesday nights they meet  in the members homes for Bible study until the new church is built.  So last Sunday I said to the Lord, if this is the church for us they will make it a point to say, 'Here is my address come and fellowship with us."  Well the they didn't.  SELF says, see- they didn't invite you so this church is not for you.  Would a truly dedicated Christian say, ''Where is Bible Study held and what time should I be there?''  Pastor visited Thursday evening and never said a word and neither did I.  He was trying not to over stay his welcome but I had lots of questions for him that were not answered.  Well, hubby is psyched about attending so I will add an extra dab of smile to my make-up in the morning and trudge along.

 If this ends up being not the one I think I am done.  I can't keep this up.  I loved Women's Ministry and today I don't have an ounce of joy about that at all. I have organized some of the best times in our past places of worship.  We laughed, loved, and grew to a closeness that will last forever.  The thought of starting all over again has me burned right to the core.  I don't even know if they have a Woman's ministry here.  So many questions...

So If I get brave and send you this link, I am open for rebuke.  Just not sympathy.